[So many ups and downs]...My heart's a battleground...[I need true emotions]

drown.
{{{{i woke this a while ago, but reading it agian reminds me of how true it is.}}}}

i have realized i cant trust a soul out there.
no one.
i feel like im gonna be alone forever.
i just want someone to hold me.
to tell me that every little thing is gonna be okay.
i want someone to lift me from the water, and prevent me from drowning.
i do not wanna start drowning again...
i can feel it happening.
like an old familiar face, constantly haunting my dreams twisting them into nightmares.
i block memories from my mind hoping the nightmares will stop, and the tears will stop falling.
i sit in bed at night crying because im looking at my life, and looking at my so called friends.
how worthless i feel.
how used and abused ive become...
why have i let myself become so pathetic and lost again?
begging for someone to just TREAT ME RIGHT.
thats all i wantt.
and ill i have EVER wanted.
what do i have to do to just be treated with respect?
people call me "little girl"but then wanna fuck me.
boys are begging for sex, but when they get it they use it against you, call you things such as "whore", "slut", "skee skee". And they LOVE to mention my past relationships to hurt me...
it makes me feel so lost.
well i got something to say:
I AM A MOTHER FUCKING HUMAN BEING.
I AM NOT YOUR TOOL.
I ENJOY SEX.
and as much as i hate to admite it...
i would LOVE to be IN LOVE.
why must you all use it against me to be human?
to SHOW what other people might hide?
i want to be honest to people, and to my friends.
but you all make it so hard to tell the truth.
i am running out of answers people...
and if this pain continues, i will run out of truth to tell you.
ill simply lie.

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